life practices in the doodle

I feel so much gratitude to reflect on all the feedback and support I received after writing my first blog post. Sometimes I feel that it is so hard for me to communicate anything and to be able to string enough words together to help bring my thoughts out of the shadow world, feels so significant. (and the young me is cryingscreaamingshakingthrowingup.) Exploring my art and its mediums feels overwhelming in the way that there are so many resources to capture my innermost shadows, yet underwhelming knowing that the physical world will never truly, fully capture my travels from the shadow world. 

The shadow world is everything you think it is, it's where your moon guides a torch that sheds a small amount of light in an infinite existence. It’s what your dreams are made of, it's infinite, it's where your thoughts and ideas take seed, it is where my pisces moon is free to stretch out and be free.  

These thoughts have led me to question what connection I feel to the physical world and how being displaced has led me to really question if I’m serving myself and this land in the best way I can through my art. How my intuition is forever scarred by the jarring realization that I no longer feel connected to this land, that I have been so far removed from the land that shaped my early years of consciousness (debatably the most important years of my life). However, it is liberating to recognize my nomadic tendencies and their relationship to my creativity. The lack of connection to this land has in some ways made my intuition stronger, that my body doesn't recognize these material things but my intuition guides me through the darkness of being colonized, and plain whitewashed. My tarot cards ask me where I will go with these new set of wings and Margaret Mitchell Armand said it best in her poetry book Finding Erzili describing the cover of her book: “the lwa of love, stands as the reminder that the heart’s ancestral memory guides us and transforms the obstacles to personal peace.” (2013)                     

I feel in my heart that when I create something, it starts with listening to the sound of my soul, and for me this looks like practicing this language through doodling EVERYWHERE. The more I doodle, the more I am encouraging this language to find space in the world, then my doodles become paintings, they ripple effect into larger projects etc. It feels ancestral to find the seeds of my creativity in the doodles, in the ‘letting go’

In letting go, I am redefining what this new path looks like for me and my art. Intuitively letting go of the expectations of what is supposed to be created and allowing myself to explore what can come from letting my lines be as displaced as me. I remember being young and covering all my notes pages in oodles of doodles of flowers and vines, aaand sunshine only to be reprimanded by the institution. They used to tell me those doodles were dirty and that they were messing up the pages I was supposed to be taking practical notes on. I am now choosing to set myself free.

Healing this trauma day by day, healing my inner child with lines that are as displaced as me. They tried so hard to erase us, erase the magic that is intuitive doodling, that is finding my way and taking up space. The truth is I’m not supposed to be here, and it's shattering to take up space in a way that challenges the physical world around me and in me. So I ask upon the Creators to help me find my way back home, 

day by day, 

through my heart, 

into my fingers

and onto my notes paper  ˚･ﾟ*✎✧*･ﾟ✎✧*･ﾟ✐✧*✎✧*･ﾟ✐✧*･ﾟ✎✐*˚･ﾟ˚･ﾟ˚･ﾟ

^^^^ My most recent “Portal” obsession.