Letter 4 the Collective,,, rebuilding what felt lost.

CW: Negative thoughts

Dear,

I want to wear your love like honor on my heart, like vulnerable break down, working hard, resting, loving. In the way that you hold me in my eternity, like you hold me and I am safe. You affirm me, I affirm you, we protect each other in the ways that we can. You teach me more and more about myself like a reflection on the moon. We question our existence, we challenge what the world expects from our relationships, you help me challenge what I know about myself. I am here to exist with you, and share the same air, take the same breath as my love. I close my eyes and we run in infinite fields of ❃ flowers ❃, gardens that return every year from the tears of the sky, from the tears you and I shed continuously. . and when the skies cry, you reach out to me, like light in a fog, like the ☀sun☀, that returns again. Thank you for caring so much, you think of me, you think of others. Your love 4 everyone excites me. The magic we cultivate together has infinite room 2 grow tall and strong. 

I’m learning the great responsibilities of such an important role, I am honored to hold this place and take up space with my existence in my community. And I will fight hard to unlearn and challenge my own mistakes that have deep roots from everything that came before me. Being a part of the community means challenging everything I knew in order to build something sustainable, it means relationship anarchy, I challenge the hierarchy in the ways that I love others, what still lingers from the past? What responsibilities do I hold to challenge everything I knew about love. I give death and rebirth into a stronger , more patient, more thoughtful, more reliable love. In the midst of a revolution, I want to find my way back again, with your light, with your love, like light in a fog, like the ☀sun☀, that returns again. I take on my vulnerable flesh and expose myself, out of my shell to you and I am more aligned with myself. I don't know when I started to put these walls up, I closed the bridges, now I stand, aching feet and heart trying to pull myself forward. I give death to the independence that took me farther away from you. Raw. again.

I am healing from all the things that once threw me in the ocean, drowned me, put rocks in my pockets so that I coud be so weighed down, unable to see the light, unable to see the sun. I am healing from the thoughts of losing my community, I am healing from the self deprecation like undeserving ugly words ,,,, I am healing from the thoughts of feeling disposable, of not existing. Now I write to my body

I am sorry that my actions and decisions didn’t serve my physical being. 

I am choosing to heal with you

I am choosing to hold your hand now 

I am choosing to build something together with you

I am choosing to feel senationsnal to all of you, with everyone. 

I am choosing you

I see you 

I see your healing 

We feel the sun , we appreciate the warmth

On every vulnerable muscle 

Giving us the strength,

To move forward, 

launching ourselves into the best mind + body we can be

☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆⁺₊☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎⁺₊⋆⁺₊⋆☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆⁺₊☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎

☂꒰ ꒡⌓꒡꒱☂☂꒰ ꒡⌓꒡꒱☂☂꒰ ꒡⌓꒡꒱☂☂꒰ ꒡⌓꒡꒱☂꒰ ꒡⌓꒡꒱☂☂꒰ ꒡⌓꒡꒱☂☂꒰ ꒡⌓꒡꒱☂☂꒰ ꒡⌓꒡꒱☂